The Lies We Tell Ourselves

What is holding you back from your next big thing. Seriously? We have such a slew of tools, resources and information at our fingertips, and yet I think the average person finds no joy in what they’re pursuing or struggles to get accomplished the one thing they have their sights set on. For me, I know exactly what is holding me back, and that is why I am learning every day how to fight against it. I can publish my book!

10 Years Later… Still Not Published

The above image may look like a promotion for a book, but that couldn’t be farther from the case, because after nearly ten years, I still haven’t done any work to get this published. See the problem is that early in my writing journey, I began to believe and listen to certain things that were said to me to protect me, and fuel me to work harder, but instead I absorbed it and told myself I wasn’t good enough.

That’s the thing about rejection though, It hurts, even when it’s constructive. But it seems to hurt a lot less when we tell it to ourselves. There’s no difference however in telling yourself “It’s not ready, it’s not good enough.” Then letting other people tell you “that’s terrible, you were not ready to publish.” It just feels better to say it to yourself because then no one can judge you for producing something that is not worth sharing.

Writing is a continuous journey, one that you never really stop taking and one that looks so much better at the end then at the starting line. It’s like a marathon, but keeping the work hidden is like practicing for a race without ever stepping onto the track. This year, my phrase to myself has been:

Saying it is not ready is rejecting myself before allowing anyone else the chance to like my work.


Because of this, I have only deflated myself further, but saying that one phrase is making all the difference. When I come up to submitting an email to a blog or publication, to solicit an idea and I begin to doubt myself, I force myself to hit send. What’s the worse that can happen if someone doesn’t like my idea, or my writing style. It’ll still go unpublished.

Be Bold, Be Loud, Be Wrong

There is nothing wrong with rejection. When you stop yourself from the “pain” for fear of it, you rob yourself the chance to learn as well as the opportunity to succeed. My fiancé is literally the cutest guy I know. He also may be the most talented guy I know, and as I’ve tried to encourage him to take big strides towards his success, and to step out and be bold, my own mirror has loomed closer to my face reminding me that his opportunities are afforded to him by his great courage to take them. I am my own worst enemy, but I know the talent I possess. I am deeply analytical, compassionate of others through their struggles, and patient through hard work. I also can share complex problems through stories and imagine whole worlds of people on a nightly basis.

What I lack is the courage to trust myself, and that may be exactly what is tripping you up. In fact I have a feeling that if you’ve read this far, you are in my shoes. So let me share this last thought just for you, if you know you are good enough, then you probably are.

In fact I’ve found in my life that the only people with natural confidence in their abilities to achieve something difficult, like writing a book, composing a beautiful piece of music, crafting a beautiful picture are either super talented and are struggling on their journey of focusing that talent, or super delusional, in which case this won’t even phase them. Such a small amount of people have delusions of their own worth because the mass majority of us hide the things we like about ourselves, because they’re fully aware of what the world can do to their self-esteem and self-worth.

If you are holding yourself back, remind yourself that you’re good at what you love, and you know deep down that you’re good at it. The rejection will come, but it doesn’t have to come from you, and it certainly won’t ever come from me!

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